Counselling for avoiding couples conflict
Many couples believe that avoiding conflict will keep the peace or save their relationship. However, couples who do not express themselves, often lose themselves in the marriage. Couples who end up avoiding conflict, often feel disconnected, by attempting to avoid couples conflict. These couples often fail to stay connected, as an attempt to avoid marital discord. Spouses who keep the peace or please the other, to avoid conflict, can cost them their relationship.
Couples who avoid conflict indirectly show anger towards each other.
Ignoring and not expressing our feelings can be self destructive. Couples, who push down their feelings or cannot register when something has upset them, may show anger in other ways. Couples may show resistance towards their relationship by annoying them, becoming resentful or withdrawing in the relationship. Some couples seek to get back at their partner for hurting them, rather than communicate how they feel.
Why do couples avoid expressing thoughts or feelings? What is the impact of avoiding conflict?
- Those who cannot communicate their thoughts, fears or hurts because they are worried about the potential conflict or hurt it will cause their partner. So they compromise themselves for the sake of the relationship.
- Many partners let issues slide, until they react in a way that doesn’t allow their feelings to get heard.
- Many will say they don’t know they were hurt or angry, until speaking about their feelings.
- Many say that they don’t know how they feel until boiling point, when the issues are out of control.
- Many are not in touch with their actual needs, so they give them up in the relationship, until they’ve had enough.
- Often partner attempts to express themselves, but the dominate partner forces their view, causing them to back down or give up.
- Many couples do not know how to address issues, negotiate their needs or deal with conflict.
- Many feel scared of their partner’s reaction with placating their anger by trying to keep the peace.
In actual fact, by not expressing oneself, they contribute towards their needs not being met. Yet, they end up blaming their partner for not meeting them. The outcome can be passive aggressive forms of anger towards each other, including infidelity, alcohol or drug use, not caring about their partner and not contributing in housework. Unexpressed needs eventually have a way to sabotage the relationship.
Therapy for conflict avoidant couples
Therapy for conflict avoidant couples assists couples to effectively communicate how they feel in the relationship. It is important couples know how to express points of difference, negotiate their needs and be able to resolve healthy conflict.
Marriage counselling fosters self expression, so partners can hear what is behind their behavior and allows needs to be met within the relationship.
Some couples avoid conflict because the relationship feels unsafe to express themselves
Some fear communicating due to the damage it may cause them, when there is domestic violence (emotional abuse or physical). Many keep the peace, so they feel safe. No relationship is worth this. It may be time to heal your self or seek therapy to rebuild your self.
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