Masterson therapy is a psycho-dynamic treatment approach for working with impairments in the self. This includes relationship dependency individuals, also known as having Borderline Personality Disorder.
Counselling for Borderline Personality Disorder in Perth
Many of my clients come to counselling distressed about their relationships; fearful that the one they love might leave them, please others by giving up their self or are so afraid of being alone that they put up with things that are costly towards them. Many of these clients do not have enough libidinal investment in their self to determine what is right for them, they trust others to take care of them or manage their life for them, even if others do not do what is best for them. They find it difficult to take initiative or responsibility for themselves, since they do not trust their own self. So they can be easily be pressured to do things that go against them, avoiding couples conflict. They do not go for what they want and don’t know how to pursue their own needs, since their primary focus is being loved and they strive for this, even if these behaviours comes to the cost to their real self.
James Masterson describes these particular individuals as having a Borderline Disorder of the self, also commonly known as Borderline Personality Disorder. They can also be seen to have dependency issues or appear masochistic. They struggle with love and anger. Borderline patients got loved as long as they didn’t separate from their mother, otherwise they were rejected or attacked for being independent. So they struggle with not having enough libidinal supplies or support for their real self to emerge. So higher level functioning borderline personality disorder individuals live in the rewarding or loving unit, they feel good when loved or wanted, so they are overly invested in their relationships not themselves. They strive for love, even if they are being mistreated, they often fall into abusive relationships with narcissistic personality disorders. They are forever pleasing, giving partners what they need from them, including being totally devoted to them, accommodating, making sure they don’t upset their partner. They often ignore signs of an affair. Some will give up their job or country to be with them, others will rescue their partner by supporting them financially or emotionally. They give narcissists their supplies. Many sacrifice their needs or wants to get the love they long for, resulting in self destructive behaviour. Some of these patients emotionally supported their mother, to get love back, but the love was withdrawn for living their own life. The withdrawal of love is experienced as abandonment, so they adapt their behaviour, to give up their self, in order to feel loved. As adults, they go to dramatic lengths to get love, which can have a cost to them, often giving up everything. Many get angry when the love is not returned.
Lower level functioning borderline personality disorder individuals function at a lower capacity. Lower functioning borderlines function in the aggressive unit, they struggle with too much aggression or anger since they suffered more extreme abandonment or mistreatment, so they obtained less love. Usually their parents couldn’t cope with them and took their anger out on them. So lower functioning borderline personality patients turned their anger inward towards the self by being self destructive, as well as having the aggression projected out, by being destructive to others. These patients show hostility when they perceive abandonment or feel love is withdrawn from them. The fears of abandonment are so pervasive they drive their partners away and struggle with true intimacy. They feel worthless and unworthy of love, so look for proof their partners are rejecting them, pushing their relationships to end, perpetuating their abandonment. They often end up in and out of relationships or having one night stands to avoid these fears.
These patients only got love or approval when clinging to their mother or fulfilling the mother’s needs, complying with her or giving her what she wants. The mother offers them comfort for being close to her and rejects her child or becomes angry when they step away to discover the world around them. So they were punished for real self expression or self activation. So they gave up their own self, needs or wants to make the mother happy, this is a pattern they continue with their partner. Other times the mother was too invested in her own relationship with her husband, so she withdrew supplies to the child, not registering the child’s needs. So the mother did not support the child’s real emerging self to grow, by backing them and having belief in them, trusting their self to push forward. So the borderline individual’s real self has been developmentally arrested since they were a child, and they continue to function at this level, so they struggle with work, study, love.
Not forming a strong sense of self, with a strong conviction in themselves, the borderline can give up on challenging situations when they arise. When life has stresses, these individuals look for the easy way out or avoid things that get too difficult. They avoid living in reality since they struggle with investing in the real self, such as being responsible. They lack the real self investment in doing things that make them internally happy, instead they do things that give instant pleasure (addictions, socialising, shopping and sexual promiscuity).
Lower functioning borderlines operate at a level below their real potential, not wanting to put themselves out there to go for what they really want and need, often failing to take care of themselves, because they were loved for regression not for self activation. This fundamental pattern keeps them trapped from reaching their real potential, so they live a life of misery, struggle, hardship and chaos at the expense of their real self. They please others and give into their needs, then get angry at them when life does not turn out for them, having conflict. Many regress by eliciting partners to take care of them, keeping them stuck and dependent. Deep down they know the answers, they know what they really think or want, but gives this up by putting blind faith in trusting others to guide their life for them. Making others responsible for them means they never have to take ownership for their life. So Masterson counselling in Perth is about getting the real self to activate, wake up and continue the journey of growth and self discovery. So they can take back control of their lives and foster healthier relationship to have true intimacy.
The Relationship Counselling Specialist in Perth
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