Marriage Counselling Services in Perth
Many couples enter marriage counselling as a final attempt to resuscitate their marriage and save the relationship. Sometimes one partner is ready to leave when the other realises the problems. Many avoid working on the issues until its too late and seek counselling in a desperate attempt to revive the marriage.
When hurt couples can get caught in their emotions, so they protect themselves by being defensive in order to ward off the hurt or anger, often leading the other to feel blamed, judged or criticised. These defensive coping mechanisms are used to discharge the underlying feelings, as a protection against the pain. Married couples get trapped with these patterns since they do not know how to deal with the underlying hurt. Many do not understand the pain that underlies their reactions and cannot get out of the defensive interaction, unable to resolve marital issues.
Some can get caught in a whirlwind of emotions, they can lose sight of themselves and each other, if they do not have a third party to help the pair see outside their stuck positions, so they can move forward. Marriage counselling in Perth assists to dismantle these defensive positions, so that couples can express feelings and resolve issues.
For many couples, it can feel counter intuitive to change these entrenched patterns, as they struggle to do so on their own, without the support of marital counselling to re-align the couple. From our childhood experiences, we’ve adapted particular ways to protect ourselves from painful feelings. However, these coping mechanisms often prevent us from dealing with our feelings and create communication problems in the marriage. It is only with the firm holding of a marriage therapist, that these patterns can be worked on, so that it transforms areas of stuckness that penetrates the relationship. So, let’s look at some of these stuck positions that cause marriage breakdown.
What Causes Marriage Breakdown?
- Not expressing ones ‘self’ assertively (thoughts, feelings, needs).
- Avoiding conflict or approval seeking.
- Raising issues when it’s too late, once they take over the relationship.
- Raising issues in the heat of the moment.
- Not contributing in the marriage or taking on shared responsibilities.
- Not expressing your feelings and expecting others to know how you feel – avoiding clear communication.
- Externalising blame by pointing the finger at the other for the cause of the problems.
- Distancing and shutting down.
- Avoiding vulnerable feelings.
- Not showing an interest in each other.
- Forcing your view to get heard, without listening to your partner.
- Emotionally charged reactions can distort how one sees the other.
- Making others responsible for our feelings, instead of dealing with them within ourselves.
Reasons to seek Marital Guidance
When these patterns remain stuck, partners cannot respond to each other’s needs. John Bowlby researched the impact on children when emotional needs were not met, causing them to protest, leading to despair, followed by depression or detachment. This is similar for married couples. When couples emotional needs are not responded to, this can cause them to protest by becoming angry in order to evoke a response in their partner. Then they feel despair and depressed, if ones emotional needs are still not responded to, until they eventually become completely detached or disconnect.
Often married couples enter marriage counselling once they’ve become detached and do not know if they can find a way back. If you notice these stages from protest to despair to detachment, then seek marital guidance in order to prevent your relationship from detaching.
Counselling in Perth Marriage Counselling
For enquiries call: 0449 861 147 or use the enquiry form.